1) Birth is Unpredictable
Obvi, but also, let it realllllly settle in and consider what it could look like for your birth to not look as planned. With my first son, I “knew” a c-section could be a possibility, but hadn’t really looked into it at all, and then I ended up having to have one. If you have any control freak in you (like myself), investigate various decisions you may face during birth like common interventions, pain management, c-sections, etc. Here’s a link for a c-sections post that I found helpful https://bearfootmama.com/gentle-csection/ I really wish I would have known more about basically everything before.
2) You will feel some kind of way about your birth
Could be proud, could be disappointed, but rarely do you feel neutral about it. Something about the intimate and critical nature of birth can make it a bit fragile. You can also feel oddly “less than” for using or needing medical interventions (epidurals, artificial breaking of the water, pain medication, c-sections,etc). I would suggest taking the time to process your birth with a good buddy. Give yourself grace. Allow the spectrum to be very wide for what birth for yourselves and others can look like.
3) Nursing is hard
I had absolutely no idea that getting a baby latched to your boob was an actual art. You kind of get this fast track tutorial one time in the hospital and then you get home and you’re just like, “Is this working? Are they getting enough? Why is it so hard to hold them? My nipples are on fire.” You’re learning, the baby is learning and everything is vague. I would HIGHLY recommend researching some lactation consulting options. My county’s health department had a lactation consultant that came to my house for free. She brought a scale to make sure baby was gaining weight, and some free goodies as well. It was a dream. If you don’t have that option, I would invest in it. With my first son we paid a lactation consultant $300 for a home visit. Yes, you did read that right, $300 smackaroonies and it was worth every penny. (Mind you coming from me, a very cheap SOB sometimes).
4) It also hurts
The professionals will say nursing shouldn’t hurt. Well, unless you had someone previously sucking on your nipples 24/7 prior to the entrance of your beautiful new babe into the world, then expect some pain. There is just no way around it, they need to get calloused. I found the only nipple cream that actually provided some protection was Lanolin. Here’s a link to buy it: Lanolin Cream. You may also want to wait to purchase because you may not be able to nurse. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are latches that are painful and babe is getting milk, and latches that are painful and babe isn’t getting milk. Do your best to assess this and ask your pediatrician or invest in a lactation consultant if you don’t feel confident about it.
5) You may not be able to nurse
Speaking of, you actually might not be able to nurse. Some babies have anatomical issues in their mouth that make the sucking motion inefficient (they call it a tongue tie). Essentially, they aren’t able to consume enough milk or latch to your nipple effectively, so you have a few options: You can pump out your milk manually and then feed them the milk through a bottle, or you can purchase baby formula that you feed them through a bottle. There are pros and cons to both ways, but either way, you should know that it could prove to be a bit of a journey figuring out what is best for you and your little muncher.
6) Your baby will want to be on you all. the. time.
And it makes total sense. The kid only really knows you, and you are there safe space. However, when I was a first time mom I did not understand to the extent of which a newborn will give you no space because of this. And usually it’s a ton of fun until month 3. hah. And then you start slowly dying and breaking down inside. They’ll sleep on you, eat on you and just want to generally be on you. Prepare to be touched out because no matter how much your love language is touch, you will eventually need some space. Some kids may vary in this, but I would say a majority of the time this is the case.
7) Babies Don’t Know How to Sleep
I have honestly never sworn more in my life than in moments of trying to get my children to sleep. Given, I have very awake children, but sheesh. They will be wailing, you will be, swaddling, “shshing”, singing, in a pitch black room, bouncing on a yoga ball for 45 minutes, everything you can think of and to no avail. It can be insane. Babies genuinely fall asleep, they don’t go to sleep, so the whole sleeping thing can feel very uncontrollable. There are some classes that can help (we did Taking Cara Babies with our first little guy), which was helpful (I think?), but it isn’t a formula and the tactics are sometimes more work than they are worth it. Until we did the Ferber method at 6 months, sleep was a mess. You may also get a great sleeper, and I truly wish you do. Just know that it’s sometimes out of your hands and if they won’t sleep, well then, they won’t sleep.
8) You’ll find a rhythm! But then you’ll probably lose it
Taking care of a baby is just not a linear thing, and up until 2 months, you can’t really introduce a schedule anyways. You may get into a really good rhythm and then their needs will change, they’ll get sick, you’ll have a schedule upset. Tis’ humanity. As much as you can, allow the baby to reasonably lead you. Try to find a good balance between chaos and rigidity, fluidity and structure. But know that this cycle is likely to happen and it will be frustrating.
9) You won’t be able to do the things you once did
Everyone kind of vaguely knows this, but here’s your official sign. There’s just a reality that your child’s needs are important, will need to be met, and it will interfere with what you’d like to do. Evenings out, bike rides, exercise, eating and drinking at normal times. It’s just all a little elusive, especially in the beginning. Breathe it in and relish the moments at home. But also, schedule things that you can do and relish in those things too. The time will slowly return to you, but it will take awhile. So arrange what you can and accept what you cannot.
10) It is all 100% worth it
As much as you love your child and as good of a human as you are, you may doubt it at times. And that is ok and normal, but do remember IT REALLY IS, I SWEAR. It just gets better and better. And you’ll actually miss it so much. (Said every mom that passes by while you’re trying to attend to your crying baby). Their little cheeks and their little smiles, their little toes, the way the need you. Take moments to cherish it <3 and accept yourself when you just can’t.
11) Bonus Tip!
Don’t forget to brush your teeth, because you probably will.
Happy birthing, babes.
